"Master says that the love of the husband lies in the heart of the wife, and the love of the wife lies in the heart of the husband."

The waterlily is a plant that blooms at night only when the moon is full. This flower has a close connection with the moon, although they are very far from each other. Distance is no bar, they are very close.


There is some bird who lives on the bank of a river. The love of these birds is considered something very special. During the day it sometimes happens that on their search for food the male and the female bird are separated from each other. In the darkness they cannot find each other, so they are flying from one bank of the river to the other, the whole night thirsting to meet again.  Whole the night they do not take rest because they are separated. They want to be together but they cannot meet. When the sun rises, they meet each other and they feel very happy.

Kabir says, “What will be the condition of that person (who is separated from God and) who meets Him neither at day-time nor at night-time?” He does not live with the Master,  not by heart, because he is not true to himself. If he were true to himself, he would definitely come in touch with Him.

Once Kabir came into a garden. There he saw a bird called “papihar”. This papihar is always thirsting for rain, for one drop of rain that comes from the sky. It would never drink any water from the earth, from a pool or from a pond. The bird was crying because it was very thirsty. Kabir was watching very carefully as what would happen with the bird as there was no rain coming from heaven. At last, the bird fell into a tank full of water. But in spite of that it did not drink the water.

Kabir became very sad, as this privilege (of such determination) was given to man but he never uses it. How disciplined this bird is, who only wants to take the water that comes from the sky, not from the earth! Kabir says, “Even the birds need it, the animals, even the wild beasts need it, but man, whose turn it is to go back now, he does not need it.” So we do not really live a disciplined life, a life of determination and devotion. How can we start with it? It is not sufficient only to talk about love, we must begin with it. How? It is very simple! Go back to your holy scriptures, everything is there: Charity begins at home.

It is said, “Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved His church.” These words are very potent. In Guru Granth Sahib there are even more clarifications to these words. Why should a husband love his wife as Christ loved His church? What is the “church”? Church is the mission of Christ. The Master loves His mission more than anything else in the world.

Master says that the love of the husband lies in the heart of the wife, and the love of the wife lies in the heart of the husband. Why is it like this? There are the three worlds, the physical, astral and causal world, and in the three worlds, there are the barriers for the man and for the woman. The distinction of man and woman exists only within the three worlds and not beyond them. Due to this distinction one has to strive very hard and one must know very exactly all about the art of living.

The wife gives birth to the child, and in the womb of the mother there is the true temple of God. There the child gets the Light and Sound, and in the womb of the mother the soul (of the unborn child) is given the lessons by the Masterpower, the Godpower Himself. When the child comes out of the womb, it cries for that Light and Sound, and we provide it with something artificial – outer light and outer sound – for what it is missing. So the woman can give to the child in the womb the right understanding up to the three worlds, she has the possibility to transcend all barriers there, to move from the physical to the astral, and from the astral to the causal region – there is no hindrance to her.
The wife can beautifully help her husband because if she has transcended these three planes, she can help her husband and take him there, too. This is why the husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church. Only if the husband loves his wife as much as Christ has told, this help is there. Then both can very easily go there. And at this barrier the work of the male partner becomes very easy, whereas the physical, astral and causal regions are very difficult for the man to transcend, as they are full of maya (illusion), and maya creates many problems for the man. From the causal plane onward all other planes can be easily transcended by the man, whereas they are difficult to cross for the woman. The three lower planes can be easily transcended by the woman, but the other planes above are very hard for her to cross. There the husband can help the wife to transcend above. So this help is reciprocal, and it starts from the home.

This is why right from the beginning I told you, once you are married, you are not supposed to leave each other, because marriage is a holy bond – you cannot break it. God may break it, but you cannot break it. Here in the West, there is the problem of divorce. Marriage is considered as a play of the mind. Those who want to live with the truth have first to live a holy life. They have to settle their homes. Without settling their homes, they cannot rise above, they cannot find the truth, they cannot find the real love. This is very important. In the Guru Granth Sahib there are many details given about the meaning of the marriage. If we understand the meaning of the marriage, we will start direct from the home, and then God gives us all possibilities.

When husband and wife are united, God is with them. This is a law. Fortunately over here we have one condition according to the teaching that only those will be admitted here who determine to live like this – a holy life. Once they are united, they are supposed never to leave each other, and by the grace of the Master there is a very good vibration.

All know the real subject, and so they are living very nicely with their family, and their children are also getting benefit from them. You know, when wife and husband are developed, their children get something from them, and a time comes, when the children will help their parents. What did the children of Guru Gobind Singh learn at His time? It was a very critical time, it was a period of terror and murder. Nobody was save, and Guru Gobind Singh was the main figure amidst this hostility, and along with Him His whole family. When the family used to sit together, wife and husband always sought the help of the Godpower. They had only one aim: to save the humanity and to save the truth.

Whatever they said, they did practically the other day.
Sometimes we speak very nicely with our children, but in our practical life they see that it is not conform with what we spoke before. Our children are affected by what we do practically (not by what we say). All Masters have said: If you want to get Him back, the Power that is innate in you, which is very close to you – then live a true life. With true life it automatically comes. It has not to come from outside – it is already within us. Kabir says, the thing which has been lost in this room can only be found in this room again, not outside. Maybe there is darkness in the room, but the thing is in the darkness – you can get it there!

The husband should develop his wife, and the wife should develop her husband – that is their purpose. It is said that if you want to see the condition of a wife, then see her husband. From the husband you can know about the wife. Therefore the (spiritual) development of the wife in the house is a must. If she is developed, she can develop her husband and her children, and she can also develop her surroundings. Master tells us that both should live as an example in the world. How can they live as an example in the world? Master tells us, you do not have to break all the ties to the world, but very lovably you have to finish with all give and take. You may perform all outer rituals and rites like other people are doing. Master never says, you should break with all these old traditions and follow another tradition instead, no, He never says so. You are Christians, so you may follow the rules carried out by Christians, but you must not be affected by the shackles of a religion, because with all rituals and rites there are also the shackles, which are binding man. You should not be affected by the shackles, but all other things are permitted. Don’t look like an extraordinary person – you must be someone extraordinary but from within, not from outside.

So we have to live as a very ideal person in the world to get the love of God and to go back home to Him. This provision is there, and it starts from the home.
Sometimes there is a big test. In case the husband wants to leave his wife, it is a test for the wife not to leave him. If the wife wants to leave the husband, it is a test for the husband not to leave her. So there are very hard and fast rules, which Master has provided us with. But at the level of the mind we create doubts, and we see only the things which are separating us, and when you feed the doubts, doubts multiply. Master says, “If there is anything between you, forgive and forget!” He who knows how to forgive and forget, is a really brave and very strong person – he is a real human being. If you know how to forgive and forget, you get the love of the Master. Then the Masterpower which is within, which is innate in the soul, is very happy because you have followed His commandment. The greatest commandment is to lead a holy life while we live in the world, while we live in our family.

So we have not to break all the ties to the world but we have to detach from it. If you are detached, nobody will see from outside that you are detached. Your inner condition can only be known by him, who himself is detached from the world, not by others. When people see what a good life you live, they will also wish to live like that. But if you retire from the world and break all connections to the world, they will say, “No, he is separating himself, he is in a sect.” Masters never come to create any sect. Man is a social being and he should live in a society. Don’t think that detachment means you should look very extraordinary – no, this is not detachment. A boat-swain knows that the boat must remain in the water, but water must not enter into the boat – that is detachment! This is a holy life, and we have to start with a holy life, without which there is no way out. All Masters have spoken in one and the same opinion. We have to be true to ourselves, but we also have to prove the truthfulness in the hearts of all other people, otherwise they can affect us. If your truthfulness is seen in the heart of other people (so that they are convinced of your truthfulness), they will say, “O, he has changed very much, he does not accept (anything wrong) – he only accepts the right things!” They will be afraid of you and they will respect you – both things will be there. Who is a man of detachment? He is one whom people are afraid of and for whom people have respect, because he is the embodied truth, he is near to the goal, and all want help from him.

Live in the world like a flower that gives smell everywhere. If everyone who comes to you learns a good lesson from you, you are a symbol of truth, embodied love. I give you a very simple example: those whom we call reformers, were not reformers beforehand. How did they start? Good wishes came from their heart, and these good wishes developed themselves first. It is like a fire which makes the place warm first where it is burning. Then the heat which cannot be consumed by that place, is transmitted to all the other directions. So when you have good wishes for other people, it will develop you first, then it will go to others. Your good thoughts, good deeds, and good actions will create love in you and will create a very harmonious life. You can become the embodied truth – that is how it starts. When we start like this, the Power, which is within us, will provide all help. He says, “Well, my child is developing.” He gives His treasure and says, “You can spend it!” He gives us such a treasure which is unexhaustable. The more you spend it, the more it will grow. The love of the world becomes less and less, when you use it, but the love of God grows more and more, when you use it for others. There is no end to true love, and with it you can cross all barriers.

Go to top

We use cookies on our website. Some of them are essential for the operation of the site, while others help us to improve this site and the user experience (tracking cookies). You can decide for yourself whether you want to allow cookies or not. Please note that if you reject them, you may not be able to use all the functionalities of the site.